Autumn.

November 1st fell on a Sunday this year. For someone who always thinks of Fall and the beginning of the Holiday Season as the true beginning of a New Year (like me) this was magical. Maybe it has to do with being raised Episcopalian and the liturgical year begins with Advent?

In any case, the leaves this year were, and really still are, incredible. And the weather, even with the rain (which we need) has been glorious.

For the record, I have yet to play a single Christmas song. I usually begin shopping and playing Christmas tunes in October. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Which reminds me: pretending just isn’t working for me these days. *nice segue, no?*

Doing things I don’t want to do and pretending that I do. I’m not talking about cleaning toilets and doing laundry. Although those of you who know me/have read my blog these last few years, know that I actually love doing laundry. But don’t tell My Man…for some reason (lack of clean undies maybe) he has taken over the laundry and honestly? I couldn’t be happier.

I’ve really struggled with writing lately. Still trying to find my voice. *insert snort nose laugh here*

I know my voice. I know who I am. I know how I am supposed to write. That whole pretending/fear thing kicks in right about now, however.

So I just stopped writing. I stopped writing here; I stopped writing to people; I stopped writing in my journal. And it has really impacted my attitude about everything and made me even a little more difficult to live with (imagine what that must be like for my people). I don’t have the release of unloading in my writing that I used to have. And, I have yet to get my bum off the sofa and really start getting back into the shape I want to/need to be in for My Girl’s wedding.

Side note: My Man has been Crushing. It. He looks incredibly gorgeous these days. He has dropped 25ish pounds and is really focusing at the gym. Seriously. I lucked out with this guy.

My fibromyalgia has been kicking my butt the last 6 months and I am just now starting to come out of the cycle of that. Even there, I feel like I pretend. Don’t get me wrong…the pain, the fatigue, the inability to function is REAL. The pretend part is…stress and fear contribute to that and I know I have no reason to stress; I have no reason to fear. So why do I? Why do any of us?

Sometime over the next week I will be putting up a book review. Page 1 of the introduction had me hooked. It is a must read if you are wanting to pump up or even just start your prayer life. Lord knows, I need to. See? Not pretending.

And to continue with the no pretending…getting back into writing is so stinkin’ hard, y’all. Just like working out again. Once I get back into it? I will be hooked. But for now…writing and getting out of the bed and to the gym just sucks.

I am sorry you have to suffer through the start up of me writing again, but I appreciate you hanging in there and for all of your encouraging comments and text messages and emails about it.

See you tomorrow for Day 3. But, first: drop me a comment about some of the areas in your life that you feel like you are a pretender.

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A New Thing.

I’m all about new things. Starting new; starting fresh; starting over. I always seem to start on Monday. No matter what it is.

As I sat down this morning to work on my bible study lesson for the day, I felt a nudge to put the workbook aside and just open up my bible and read. I had no particular direction in mind but figured I would head to the book of Psalms: my go-to book. When I flipped open my bible, I was pulled in by the purple brackets and underlines of the following scriptures:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NIV)

Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one. (Isaiah 44: 8 NIV)

After reading each passage a few times, I closed my bible and meditated on the words for a time. Basically, it is time. Yep. Said it before. Many times before. But more and more I am realizing that I am not satisfied with who I am right now. I am not who God created me to be. Yet. And putting off the former things and the past and laying out the path before me…the New Thing…that is what I am supposed to do. Not starting tomorrow; starting today.

What does that look like? I’m not sure yet. Which is part of the adventure! I do know it includes the following, to some extent:

taking control of my physical health
and
writing

I’m guessing the two will be connected and the link that will hold the two together will be God. So I will be including more of my faith in my writing, it appears.

New adventures? Scary stuff. But not with my Rock. So, stick around and watch it unfold.

My morning writing view.

Writing. And sharing.

I have been writing. Some. Just not for public consumption. I’ve been taking lots of photographs. Another medium for my creativity. Or maybe I’m just scared to post the thoughts I’ve written. A little of both, perhaps.

So much is happening in my our world right now. Babies growing up. Babies being born. Babies being mourned. So much to get done. It’s often difficult for me to determine what is truly important and what I can…should let slide for another time. So I make lots of lists. I tease My Man about his anal, logistician lists but honestly…I make several lists each day. I can tease him because I keep mine hidden…he sticks his to the fridge front for all to see.

And that’s okay. His list is a reminder of all things needing to be done. My lists are more like…wish lists. Get up early. Walk. Weights. Healthy breakfast. Time with the Lover of my soul. Organize. Clean. Purge. Repeat.

And I think that my lists are okay too. Each day I do eat more healthy. And I force my people to do so. Each day I purge a bit of stuff and organize a bit more. The walking and the gym and the yoga will come along. Sooner more so than later.

The Princess with her great-grandmother, grandmother and mommy

For a few more days, my two oldest are both 23. Only 11 months (and a day) apart, they might as well be 11 years apart. So different are they. I know that is true of all children. Twins and Irish twins alike. I can barely remember any of them at 3 weeks of age. The age of sweet baby girl next door. I am admittedly obsessed…totally in love with her. Confirming again that I am so ready for grands. In the proper order I tell my three. My oldest two are now older than The Boy. At least in life years. In eternity years he would have turned 26 this year. Even his baby sisters are quickly gaining and in another year and a half, will pass his time here. And my baby, The WILD Boy. How he makes my heart laugh. So unlike them all. So like all of them in a tiny feather plucked way from each.

My and mine…Disney

Writing is easy. It’s the sharing that is difficult. Thank you for sticking around for the ride and your words of encouragement.

Andy and his mom, my baby sister

Part 2…2014

Today was a really. long. day. After a really. long. night. Very little sleep until about 5:00 am, which coincidentally happened to be when my *could-very-soon-be-ex* husband finally left for work. I feel bad for him…he has a cold and he coughed and snored all night long. He also kept his wife awake. All. Night. Long. Three hours of sleeping like the dead is better than nothing, I suppose.

So my entire day was thrown off from the get-go. I managed to salvage it and get a lot done at the office. Had planned a stroll or 20 around the parking lot as my workout today but I neglected *in my sleepy stupor* to grab a hat, gloves or jacket when I headed out the door this morning.

So far, this post is a whole buncha whining.

Moving on. Now. To some fun randomness. Or as Mrs. Lady D likes to call it: “a list without numbers.”

Tomorrow is Day 3 of the New Year. Already, time is flying by! There are exactly 28 days until my Wild Boy turns 18 and 172 days until he graduates from High School. Stop the craziness!

It is currently snowing outside. I love snow. We have four “man vehicles” aka four-wheel-drive so if y’all need anything…give a shout out. As I have been sitting here, in the living room with the fireplace going, a plow truck has gone by four times. We have exactly 3 cm of snow on the ground. Where was this guy when when we Snowmageddon? We NEVER had a snow plow on our street, except for the one that got stuck at the top of the street and My Man and Boys helped pull him out. At which time he promptly drove away without ever plowing our street.

We pay off our two car loans between now and August of this year. Already, My Man is on the new-to-us car hunt. Or, new-to-me car hunt, rather. Apparently my back and forth mile to the office every day is racking up too many miles on the truck. So we are going to park it and buy something for me to drive. Call me confused, but why can’t I just drive the truck? It won’t matter come mid-August anyway as I will have the Red Jeep back as my very own since the Wild Boy is heading off to college. *did anyone laugh out loud with me when they read that?* We all know how that’s going to play out.

Last night My Man and I stood out in our front yard watching a bunch of those candle balloon luminary thingies launch from somewhere on the other side of Etta. I was wondering if it was the Steven’s family who released them. Does anyone in the OH ‘Hood know? We tried making our own whilst at the beach last summer. Also known as the OBX Fire of 2013. Just kidding…they dropped straight to the ground like a flaming rock.I just googled them and discovered they are officially called, “Sky Lanterns.” Fancy.

I’ve been fighting this whole writing thing. You know I have aspirations to be a “serious writer.” Apparently, it’s just not my thing. God has been talking to me about being who He created me to be…there goes the snow plow again, fyi…and that I need to stop being someone/something I am not. So it’s taken 52 a few years to figure that one out. You can teach a new dog…yadda yadda.

Tonight I began the big office clean-out. My goal is to go through and purge pictures this Winter. Every single time we went to the zoo, My Man took several rolls of film. How many pics of the two zebras and 1 camel at the National Zoo do we need? Also, tons of blurry, light back in your face shots of snakes through the glass? All of them are headed straight for the dumpster.

Stay safe and warm tonight.