November 7 and I can’t think of a thing to say

Well, that’s actually not true, because I have a lot to say. Just not sure how to share it here in an, um, palatable way.

So I’m just gonna start typing and see how it goes.

My heart hurts that our country is so divided. And I’m wondering what it will take to bring us back together. I think it is going to take me. And it’s going to take you. And it is going to her. And it is going to take him. Doing what we were created to do. To encourage. To listen. To help. To love.

Does anyone actually eat candy corn? There always seems to be a shit-ton of it left after Halloween in the “clearance” section. I don’t ever see M&M’s or Kit Kats or Reece’s Peanut Butter cups in the clearance section. And Peeps…Peeps are on the clearance shelf year round. #justsayin

Does anyone else leave up some sort of stringed lights year round? Not the Christmas lights…this isn’t West Virginia, but the soft white lights? We do. On our fireplace mantle and our deck and porch. They are calming to me. And festive. And remind me of the constellations. And how teeny tiny we humans really are in the grand scheme of life. And eternity.

Wine? or beer? Or maybe a girlie drink (no judgment here.) Or maybe just a soft drink? Which do you prefer? Comment below.

I love this time of year. The weather temps and humidity go down and frankly, my hair is at it’s happiest. And if you have hair like mine (curly, prone to frizz, thick) you know exactly what I am talking about. It’s not about vanity; it’s about time and containment of all the hair.

I know that this time of year is difficult for some. And, if I allow myself to focus on it, painful for me, too. Of course, I miss the generations that are no longer here with us, and I miss them, and I still embrace and practice a lot of their traditions. It’s the ones that left us too soon. That break our hearts over and over, every day, but even more so at this time of year. That has us wondering, “what if?” That has us missing not just them, but all that they would be now.

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I love Y’all.

 

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Turning mourning into Gladness.



It’s snowing again. Shhhh…don’t tell anyone but…I love it. I don’t care that it is almost April. It’s not that I don’t love Spring. I do. A lot. But fast upon the heels of Spring comes Summer and all her in-your-face heat, humidity and ‘hey, good luck with that hair gel’ nonsense. Don’t even talk to me about swimsuits. I suppose I’m even less looking forward to Summer this year *as if that’s possible* because we are not going to the beach for the first time in, like, forever. Even the year we did the Disney cruise and two weeks in Germany, we still went to the beach that Summer. I did get two brand spankin’ new bathrooms out of this 2014 deal, but will miss our annual beach week.

The white and gray bleakness of this Winter has fit right in with my mood this season. I can’t ever remember struggling with the darkness like I have the last six months. Impossible to see while living it, looking back I can see so clearly. I’ve focused on the lost; the regret; the pain. I’ve seen the joy; the light; and happiness but as if through fwog *The Wild Boy’s baby terminology for ‘fog’ and I just love it so much I can’t go back to the correct pronunciation.*

On the drive home from Roanoke last Sunday, I had a good out loud discussion with God. Sure, I was the only one speaking out loud, but you know what I mean. I told Him I just can’t go on like this anymore. Something has got to give. Someone has to do something. I turned my crying to crying out; my internal raging to external raging to the only One who can really get things started. 

I’ve really struggled with guilt. The times I feel happy, feel Joy, I also feel guilt. How dare I be happy when we have had so much loss! As I shouted out those thoughts, Jeremiah 31:13 covered me:

I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

It doesn’t say not to mourn, not to have sorrow. But in our mourning there will be gladness; our sorrow will give way to comfort and joy. Not of our own doing, but by His.

Will I still mourn the preciousness we have lost? Always. Will I continue to feel times of sorrow? Until the day I die. But today, I am turning to the Comforter for my promised gladness, comfort and joy.