Just a few Life Lessons.

IMG_8604

On the porch this morning, I stared at the blank pages of my journal. Tons of thoughts swirling around in my head, none of them coherent enough to put on paper. It’s been like this for months. Like a drain clogged with frustration, anger, questions. Searching for the peace that passes all understanding and finding a big fat glob of confusion.

Today I’ve decided to take captive those brain cloggers and dump them behind me and just move forward. Easier said than done?

Tomorrow Russell, Shawn, and I head to Radford. So excited to see The Girl after three months of hell Summer. Just fyi…it is nasty and humid on The Porch again as I am writing this and I realized that this weather has been contributing to my ugly state of mind. Like how ridiculous to give the weather…or a season…that much power!

So we move Brett into his new teeny weeny one bedroom apartment tomorrow. He had enough of roommates for three years and this last year was a doozie. What kind of person removes his name from the utilities so he doesn’t have to pay them while he lives there? Now they all lose out on their apartment deposit to pay the utilities and Brett wasn’t even there the last four months that the utilities weren’t paid.

Life lessons. A momma’s outrage doesn’t override the life lesson of some people. Thankfully, most people aren’t like that loser guy.

Life lessons. Deciding to move forward when you just want to stick around and fight a losing battle. Coming to the realization that people aren’t always going to act the way you would act. Accepting that there are times that people, even family, aren’t going to give you what you need or want and sometimes, will just decide to dislike you or hate you without reason. (If this rings familiar with a few of you that I have been talking with/texting with the last two days…I’m looking at you AND me.)

Life lessons. Learning to forgive the unforgiveable. Stepping around the mess instead of wading through and getting pulled into the muck. Choosing to turn away for the sake of peace and love, instead of fighting back. Focusing on the good things, the good people, the good times, the goodness and letting all of the other bs go.

Learning from the people purposely placed in your life. Seeking and accepting and implementing their wise and experienced counsel.

Not to allow yourself to be a doormat for people and their junk. But to be adult enough to just move on. Realizing that what goes around, comes around. Not for the sake of retaliation and revenge, but because that is just how life works.

And while I began this laundry list of life lessons with Brett in mind, really…it is a note to self.

Blessings.

 

Advertisements

Sometimes, Life Just Sucks.

I started this on Random Wednesday, aka Wicked Wednesday.

I have been so torn lately.

Why am I writing this blog? For myself?

For my many five readers?

Why do I read other blogs? Do I want to be entertained? I mean I live with Sue’s Zoo: The Man; two teenagers; one tween; five psychotic fish that follow us around the room from within their tank; one ancient, completely blind and deaf dog who eats her own (and the other dog’s) poop; a ginormous German shepherd/lapdog; and a 7 pound cat who really runs the show.

How much more entertainment can I take?

Do I desire connections? Am I just down-right nosey?

I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I do know that in participating in the blogging world…writing…reading…connecting…I have discovered just how painful life truly can be. The problems and trials that I have, while significant to me, are walks-in-the-park compared to the nightmares, tragedies, and horrors I have come across on other blogs.

So I have to wonder. Why DO I blog? Is it a God thing? Is He leading me to certain people and their blogs?

I think He is.

He and I ‘discussed’ it this morning.

Because I’ve really been struggling with the burdens of those I have come to know in Blogville.

Really struggling.

As in thinking it is time to hang up my computer and quit the blogging world.

But he led me down a path this morning that really spoke to me on this subject. Yes, life can be so very horrible at times, but I am to continue to be joyful. I am to continue to be thankful for each and every daggone blessing He has seen fit to give me. And they are plentiful. I know, because I’ve been making myself name ten every morning, just to keep my sanity perspective.

Then there is His Living Word.

Nehemiah 8:10: Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength

Esther 9:22: when their sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration

Job 6:10: Then I would still have this consolation— my joy in unrelenting pain

Psalm 30:11: You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy

Psalm 126:5-6: Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him

And tons more.

I couldn’t find any scripture that told me to not grieve; not feel sad; not weep with my sisters in Christ. To the contrary. But I can not let it impact me to the point where I can no longer function in the ways He has called me to. I must remember the Joy that is Jesus Christ. Always. Forever. Never changing…


no, not ever

So now my choice is this: Do I, having heard from Him, now disobey Him by turning away from what He has called me to do? Or do I stay on this path, determined to find the Joy in the sorrow?

That Girl would have walked away.

This Girl has to choose to stay.

Hard as it may be sometimes.

Praying that He will remind me of the Joy that is mine in Him.

And having to accept that sometimes, life just sucks.

Wait…THIS is my life?

I think we’re wired (especially women) at an early age to be looking to the future.

“You’re too young…”
“When you’re older…”
“Someday, my prince will come…”
“When I graduate from high school (college) (vet school)…”
“When I get married…”
“When I am financially able to…”

You get the picture.

It dawned on me this morning during my quiet time that this IS my life. Living it. Doing it. This minute. This second. Not when I’m thinner, not when my house is clean (that might not ever happen). Right now.

And I’m missing it.

After this revelation, I got up and wandered through my house. What HAVE I been doing? I walked by the mirror (immediately recognizing what I HAVEN’T been doing). I flipped through my journals for the last couple of months. Moaning. Complaining. Worrying about things that never happened. Gripin’ about my man. Gripin’ about this child or that child of mine. Gripin’ about my weight (see mirror comment) and lack of energy (also related to mirror comment).

Attitude adjustment. Kick self in butt. Time to get moving. First step…back to the basics. Pulled out the journal and wrote out confession after confession after confession and what repentance would look like. I still have a lot of work to do…

And then I read about fellow-Christian-Blogger, Heather. I’m not sure how I found her on the Blog-net, but I know it was God-driven to find her. To get to know her through her blogging. To be a witness to the newest chapter in her life…an inoperable brain tumor. My heart has been heavy with prayer for her all day. Tonight I read some encouraging news from her. And I’m full of thanks and praise for the One Who Knows and Comforts and Heals. A long road is ahead of Heather and her family. I’m trying to imagine what living her life will mean from now on. It must mean an entirely different thing to her now. Today. Then it did two days ago. Before she knew. This is Heather’s life now.