It started in a hotel room the day after Christmas.
You know how they have those humongous, fills the entire wall mirrors and one on the back of the door. And the lighting. Could it be any more unflattering? As I was changing into my pj’s…no need to look away, that’s as graphic as I’ll ever get…I caught a glimpse of the stranger staring back at me in the gigantic mirror.
She was scary.
Not only was she, well, more than 50 pounds overweight, her skin was blotchy, the bags under her eyes would run her $50 to take on any plane, her nails were bitten down to the quick, and she just looked seriously…tired.
We stared at each other for a few minutes, she and I. Sizing each other up. I looked away first. It was that or throw a brush at her too-much-white-roots-showing head.
That was forty-two days ago. It has taken me that long to truly come to terms with it. Sure. I’ve been flirting with the notion that it was, “time to really get serious about it.” Being butt-ugly tired all the time. A bonafide couch potato, NCIS-watching, slug.
Day after day. Night after night. It’s been the same thing: just this one time and then I will start tomorrow.
Start tomorrow. Just saying it out loud now leaves a bad taste. Today is yesterday’s tomorrow. I think the final straw was walking through the parking lot at Best Buy to get to Bertucci’s for dinner with My Man and My Girl. They were way ahead of me and the distance was growing and I was hoofing it. I realized that my feet hurt; my legs hurt; I was winded and I was pissed. Thoroughly, utterly pissed that I have let it get this far. Sending me over the edge to tomorrow-I-start-for-sures-ville, however, was My Girl’s comment to her father. It went something like, “why is she so slow?” She was me. And she was right. I was slow. Even though I was hustling.
How had it gotten to this point? Overweight was bad enough. But this out of shape? I allowed myself one more tomorrow I start because I knew I was going out the next night and I wasn’t going to have a choice on the food and drink and it was all going to be ohsobad yummy. That was last night. So one last time I said, “tomorrow I start.”
And I did.