Rule #2014

Rule #2014 states, “From January 1, 2014-December 31, 2014, Susan shall not purchase any books for her own personal reading/use (other than those to be used for Monday Bible Study).” I broke Rule #2014 two days ago and purchased a book on Amazon.

I’ve always been a rule-breaker. Usually for my own selfish desires and/or wants. But I needed this book. Really, truly needed it. I’ve heard wonderful things about it and I know for a fact, that it was the only book on many of my bff’s Christmas Wish Lists.

I have been floundering, dude. Big time. Not sure what the problem is/has been. I’m coming out of it now. But ever since November or so I have just not been able to pull it together and stick with it. Or anything.

I do need to get to the bottom of it, but for now I am getting back on track, pulling myself out of the old pit and moving on.

So I had to have this book. I’m going to begin it tomorrow. I chose it not just because I’ve heard great things about it, but because I need to get back into a regular morning quiet time. I need to get back into reading scripture every morning (or so I was told by my accountability bff). And I need to get back to God. I’ve missed Him. He’s been here all along. I haven’t. He’s waited patiently for my return. For my attention to come back off Self and back on Him. It wouldn’t be so difficult if this wasn’t the 4,138th time I’ve done this. Pulled away like this. Gone turtle as Jen would say. I know He has a ton of stuff I need to be doing. I know zero of it will happen until I get back on track. Get my head in the game.

Now that I have a working stove, and it is a beauty, I plan on doing a bunch of baking. Baking soothes my soul. As does the beach, now that I think of it. Baking at the beach would be heavenly. Sorry, went to my happy soul place for a moment.

Here’s the book I just received today from Amazon, you from when I broke Rule #2014. I think it is going to be worth the rule break. If you want to order one, click on the link and it takes you to Amazon and I will receive a few pence from your purchase.

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The day I stopped saying, "just one more."

It started in a hotel room the day after Christmas.

You know how they have those humongous, fills the entire wall mirrors and one on the back of the door. And the lighting. Could it be any more unflattering? As I was changing into my pj’s…no need to look away, that’s as graphic as I’ll ever get…I caught a glimpse of the stranger staring back at me in the gigantic mirror.

She was scary.

Not only was she, well, more than 50 pounds overweight, her skin was blotchy, the bags under her eyes would run her $50 to take on any plane, her nails were bitten down to the quick, and she just looked seriously…tired.

We stared at each other for a few minutes, she and I. Sizing each other up. I looked away first. It was that or throw a brush at her too-much-white-roots-showing head.

That was forty-two days ago. It has taken me that long to truly come to terms with it. Sure. I’ve been flirting with the notion that it was, “time to really get serious about it.” Being butt-ugly tired all the time. A bonafide couch potato, NCIS-watching, slug.

Day after day. Night after night. It’s been the same thing: just this one time and then I will start tomorrow.

Start tomorrow. Just saying it out loud now leaves a bad taste. Today is yesterday’s tomorrow. I think the final straw was walking through the parking lot at Best Buy to get to Bertucci’s for dinner with My Man and My Girl. They were way ahead of me and the distance was growing and I was hoofing it. I realized that my feet hurt; my legs hurt; I was winded and I was pissed. Thoroughly, utterly pissed that I have let it get this far. Sending me over the edge to tomorrow-I-start-for-sures-ville, however, was My Girl’s comment to her father. It went something like, “why is she so slow?” She was me. And she was right. I was slow. Even though I was hustling.

How had it gotten to this point? Overweight was bad enough. But this out of shape? I allowed myself one more tomorrow I start because I knew I was going out the next night and I wasn’t going to have a choice on the food and drink and it was all going to be ohsobad yummy. That was last night. So one last time I said, “tomorrow I start.”

And I did.