In an interesting turn of events, I was so on top of my blogging that the post I was positive I wrote was actually non-existent.
In other words. I’m making this up as I go along this morning.
Which is pretty much how I write every post.
I blame the Fibro Fog. One of the symptoms associated with fibromyalgia is a lack of concentration and the inability to stay focused on a task; being easily overwhelmed by the smallest tasks; forgetting things; apathy. It can be pretty frustrating. Especially when it comes to work or when a family member has asked me to do something and I instantly forget about it.
The Fibro Fog contributes to my non-sleeping at night. I will wake straight up out of sleep thinking I forgot to do the bulletins for Sunday; forgot an important appointment; forgot to bring the dogs in. Poor Jack has spent a few nights outside much later than he should.
When my fibromyalgia is in overdrive, I lose not just hours, but days. I will suddenly realize that I have been sitting on the couch for 4 hours and have accomplished nothing. Surely I was doing something?! Just lost in thought…but can’t recall what I was thinking of. The tv was on and I know it was an NCIS marathon, but I don’t remember which episodes they were. I wander through the house knowing I need to start cleaning or picking up but just can’t get started.
Now that I’m on the upswing from a seriously wicked flare-up of symptoms for the last 9 months, a new frustration has emerged. Seeing everything around me that hasn’t been done all these months, I just want to scream. Or rent a dumpster, park it in the driveway, haul everything out and start over. The condition of my house directly equals the severity of my fibro symptoms. And did I mention the last 9 months have been wicked?
Another fun bonus of fibromyalgia? Weight gain. As if women of my
age maturity don’t struggle with that already. It’s vicious cycle: fatigue and body pain lead to not wanting to/being able to work out. Not being able to work out leads to fatigue and body pain and weight gain. In the last 9 months I have put on 15 pounds. On top of the 3 billion I already needed to lose.
But I tell you all of this to say that there is hope. The one thing about having this condition that I am thankful for is that it fuels my need for my morning quiet time. To connect with God. Rely on Him. Completely. Out of desperation, I have had to step out and try things I never would have. Acupuncture, for example. Having to let things go. Rely on others. *shudder*
I’m beginning to feel like my old self again. The new old self; not that girl old self. I’ve been barking orders like a drill sergeant lately. And I have to say, it feels so good to feel this alive again.
Love you guys. More on fibro in the coming days.