That is what I kept telling My Man. I don’t remember the last time he and I got away, just the two of us, just to chill. I demanded more than just one night away. I wanted a full weekend. Friday and Saturday night and no rushing back on Sunday.
While he was in Denver a couple weeks ago, he phoned me about a deal he found on Living Social Escapes and would I be interested? Um..that’s a big, fat yes. I didn’t even have to know the details. I wanted in.
Of course The Wild Boy came down with a wicked case of food poisoning (we think) on Thursday, but by Friday morning was already on the mend. We decided to risk it and headed out, as planned.
We had a wonderful weekend away, at a lovely Virginia Bed and Breakfast. Friday night we had a wine pairing class and dinner here. Drove the countryside looking for wineries and stopped here and here. Met the Big Boy in Fork Union to grab some dinner here, after picking him up a couple pounds of bbq from here. (Apparently the bbq was pretty much consumed around 1:30 am that night/morning.) After another incredible gourmet breakfast, we headed towards home with a stop here. We even signed up as volunteers to pick grapes at Gray Ghost in the Fall.
I can’t tell you what a weekend away did for my soul. I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about the last three years of our life. I didn’t ponder, sort it out, try to make sense of any of it. I just breathed. And napped a little.
A handful of people have already told me they can see and hear a huge difference. I see and hear and feel a huge difference.
It’s not that my circumstances have changed; my attitude has changed. Not that I had a bad attitude. I just couldn’t see past the pain. One thing that has really helped me: I read and have started reading over again, A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis. In fact, I just ordered a copy to be sent to my sister. I had a really rough start with reading it. Couldn’t get past a paragraph or two before breaking down. But I was encouraged by my favorite Navy (Go Army! Beat Navy!) Chaplain, Terry Gordon, to keep giving it a go. There was one point that C.S. Lewis made that I truly feel was a turning point for my grief. When I was in full-blown grieving mode, all I could see was the pain; I couldn’t see past it; I couldn’t begin to believe what the next 1, 5, 20 years would be like with this pain. Most importantly, I couldn’t see past the pain to see and remember Andy, Beth, Katie, and quite often, those standing right next to me, including my husband and children. I repeatedly read these particular paragraphs and every time I read it, a piece of the wall chipped away. Our weekend escape finally knocked out the rest of the darkness.
I am absolutely still going to have some moments, even some days where the grief will consume me again; for a time. Shortly after Andy died, a friend of my sister’s sent her a note about grief. The gist of it being that grief consumes us for a time and then walks along side of us for the rest of our lives.
I see that now. I feel that now. It is not that I am loving or missing them less; I am remembering them more.
As always, I love you guys. Especially those of you who have prayed for our family, and for me. I am so thankful for the friend’s God put into my life, our life, who totally get me and love me anyway.
P.S. Our Virginia Wine Lovers Weekend trip has us passionately in love with Virginia wines and thirsty (get it? ar ar) for more knowledge, so I’ve ordered a few books on wine and Virginia wine. You can order directly from the links on my sidebar. I do receive a small stipend towards more books if you do so thanks!