How much proof before you believe?

If I haven’t run y’all off yet…this will surely do it.

*not that I’m trying to run you off*

I have a confession to make:

I am an unbeliever.

Feels good to finally get that out.

I am writing this at 6:00 pm on Monday, January 23. There are some things going on in our family right now that I’ll share eventually, but I can share the one thing going on with me. Tomorrow, at 2:00 I have my annual mammogram, which I haven’t had for two years. Taking care of everyone else sort of took priority over taking care of myself. I’m not complaining about that. I don’t regret that. One day, I will share the blessing that is “taking care of everyone else.” And it is a blessing.

As a rule, I get worked up about this particular exam. I won’t go into details but I’m usually a “see you back in six months for a re-check” kind of girl. I know going in that I will have the heavy duty “exam” and it will be followed up with a sonogram. That’s been SOP *standard operating procedure for you non-military brats* for years. When I made tomorrow’s appointment, the receptionist kind of freaked out when she pulled up my records. “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME BACK FOR A SIX-MONTH RECHECK IN TWO-THOUSAND-TEN!!!!!!”

*which in turn had everyone in the place turn to look at us, thankyouverymuch*

I just smiled and said, “really? cuz I could have sworn the last time I was in (whenever that was) I was good for a year.” I knew a couple of things she didn’t know:

  1. I couldn’t even tell her when my last appointment was. The last two years have been a blur (see above to know that is a blur of blessing); 
  2. my God doesn’t go by “six-month rechecks” or as several of my friends immediately stated, “six months or two years…it doesn’t really matter to Him;” and
  3. it is what it is

Oh, and there is a number 4. Remember my last post about the color Green? God doesn’t just speak to me/confirm for me through the color Green. He also uses scripture and music. In particular the verses, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God almighty” and one song in particular, “Be Unto Your Name.” It’s just the way He blesses me beyond measure when I need it.

And I have been needing it. Because I have been freaking out the last week over some things going on in our life and especially since the radiology receptionist hollered at me about my six-month recheck that was due back in 2010. *exclamation point*

This past Sunday, Pastor Wayne’s sermon scripture was this: Isaiah 6:3. The same service, Cheryl chose songs that caught my attention (as in, “God…is that You speaking to me, Susan?”) and then slammed me with the last song…you guessed it, “Be Unto Your Name.” Poor Kim sitting next to me. I kept the sobbing to a minimum, but she knows me so well…her hand rested on my shoulder for the next 15 minutes just to let me know she was there and that she gets it.

This week, He constantly reminded me of all of the times He has allowed me a glimpse into a situation, aka discernment; aka “trusting my gut”; aka “Susan’s Spidey-sense.” He even reminded me that He has never been unfaithful.  

Ever. When He has allowed me some discernment into a situation, it has always proven to be true.  

Always.

It will be the same tomorrow. *Or, today, actually, when I post this.

How much proof do I need to overcome my unbelief?

I’m still struggling with it as I type this. Even reading and re-reading this post; remembering every single thing He has done this last week to assure me that it is All Good.

I know what the problem is. I am listening to my physical world of the the last two years and not the spiritual world I have lived in my entire life, although I didn’t seriously embrace it until December 10, 1986. Twenty-five years of consciously living as one of His…as a believer. And I’m responding to the last two years only.

How much proof do I need to overcome my unbelief?

We will get confirmations tomorrow (Tuesday…or today, actually when I’m posting this) that it is All Good. And not that I believe that God wants us to make deals with Him, but there will be some consequences for my unbelief.

I will definitely be posting about those. *not that that is part of our Deal or anything…ahem*

Love y’all.

*****updated before I post on Tuesday afternoon at 4:30 something. It is All Good. And yup…”see ya back in six-months!****

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2 Comments

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  1. Whew! I am so glad to hear the last part.

    One of my closest friends who has been an “every six months” girl for 8 years discovered on her birthday that she has cancer. She was completely at peace. They did surgery and a week later they told her that they didn't get it all – she is stage 2 and it is a very aggressive form. Next surgery scheduled about 10 days from now. She is still at peace. I'm thinking she should have been a 4 month kind of girl.

    The thing is, God doesn't promise us perfect health. He promises He will be with us.

    Don't delay anymore! Mark your clanedar for June today!!!!

    Like

  2. um. Make that calendar.

    Like

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