Conviction

There was a time when I would run from conviction. Run and ignore.

Over the last few years, however, I have learned to embrace conviction. In fact, I find that conviction equals freedom: I no longer need to do it myself. He sees, He is there to help me.

Yesterday, during Worship, was just such a conviction.

It wasn’t so much the sermon message, which was really about how we, as a church…OUR church…is doing it wrong. And how we need to do it better.

But while listening and meditating on PW’s message, I felt the familiar (but much avoided lately) tug on my heart.

Susan, you are doing it wrong. And I’m going to show you and help you to do it better.

There were a few specific “it” things He wanted me to focus on.

1. My Girl. Yes, He is in control. Yes, He is controlling her spin out of control. Yes, I need to do my part: continue to be an example to her; continue to reach out to her; continue to contact her daily, even if I receive no response; continue to love her unconditionally. Hard stuff when one is hurting, grieving, fuming. Only doable through Him and by Him.

2. My Health. I keep talking about it. I keep looking for quick fixes. None of which are or will work. And then one day last week, He brought through the front doors of our church (and my workplace) a woman who had been diagnosed in July with ALS. A woman who was deteriorating quickly. A woman who knows and loves Jesus, but has been distanced from church and, presumably, from Him. He reminded me that I had and took for granted what she was losing and longed for. A whole and healthy (relatively) body. He had me dwell on this for awhile…through my day yesterday as I sat with and broke bread with friends after Worship; as I hustled around my kitchen all day trying to get a ton of brownies whipped up and baked in between continuous power outages; as I set up and worked through a two hour event honoring the memory of a dear friend who is secure in the arms of Jesus after losing her battle with cancer at the age of 48.

3. My Attitude and Heart. It is not by my design nor by accident that I am working in our church. There are so many people in my past who would find that the most outrageously unbelievable thing ever. And yet here I am. Still working and serving in our church after 10 years. Sure, I’ve changed over the last 10 years, but not enough. Having been the most self-centered and selfish girl on the planet for so many years…it is a struggle and often a stretch to have a servant’s heart and attitude. Yet that is why He placed me here. Not so much for them…my church family…but for me. It is time I remember that and embrace it.

Conviction. Freedom. Synonyms in my book these days. How about yours?

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3 thoughts on “Conviction

  1. You are a brave, incredible woman – because HE is in you, and watching over you, and giving you strength.

    My biggest spiritual battle lately has been distraction. Pushing aside Bible study and prayer and even thinking about spiritual things, because I am too distracted by the minutiae of life. I'm becoming convicted that the FIRST thing I need to focus on is my relationship with God.

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  2. Jeni…not so brave, even with Him, since usually I run and hide FROM Him, lol. I take comfort that I am not alone in that area…the bible is full of those who did the same exact thing!

    I, too, am distracted and have been the last few years. All things techy have been an especially difficult distraction to avoid. I manage to squeeze in my time with Him. Well, most days. And yep…I, too, need to make HIM the first priority of the morning.

    Early will I seek Thee. Psalm 63:1 KJV

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