Wow. It’s been forever since I blogged.

Strap yourselves in. This is going to get bumpy.

While on vacation last week, God and I had quite the “come to Jesus moment.”

Several of them actually.

In all honesty, He is really quite done with my whole little tantrum-throwing-it’s-never-about-me junk.

I run with God.

I am a wife.

I am a mom.

I serve in our church for my paying job.

It IS never about me.

For the past 40 yearsI have been trying to make it about me. Now that I am on the down slope towards 45 50, enough is enough.

I have always fought who I really am.

Who He created me to be.

I sat down at the baby grand piano in our sanctuary today to play and stumbled and bumbled through what was just recently a familiar and very playable piece for me.

I approached an art project without a clue as to how to begin.

I have framed art stacked up against my fireplace because I just cannot put together in my mind where/how I want each piece to go.

He created me with an incredible ear and talent for all things music.
I have always been too afraid to pursue it to the level I know He had called me to take it. Too fearful of messing up. Too aware of what other people might say. 

He created me with an ability to draw and paint.
I look at the art I created as a teen and am floored. I cannot draw or paint like that anymore.

He created me with a love for reading, writing and all things words.
I shut that part of myself down long, long ago.

He created me with the gift of discernment. A strong “spidey-sense” as my bff’s call it.
I keep my mouth shut when it kicks in because I fear my thoughts and ideas being rejected and scoffed at.

I am totally and utterly not bragging on myself.
I am totally and completely bragging on Him.

I cannot tell you the number of times over the last few months He has pushed people and situations into my path where I should be utilizing one or more of these gifts He blessed me with.

It is a sin for me not to not allow Him to use me and these gifts.

I have come to terms with that. Begged for forgiveness. Now I wait and see what happens next.

I cannot lie…I am scared.

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9 thoughts on “Wow. It’s been forever since I blogged.

  1. “I have always been too afraid to pursue it to the level I know He had called me to take it. Too fearful of messing up. Too aware of what other people might say”

    My journal says something very similar in regards to the songs I write.

    I LOVE you and your heart.
    stephanie

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  2. I'm so glad that He opened your eyes to a glimpse of possibility. You are strong – through His strength. You are blessed – through His love. I can't wait to see/hear what you get up to!

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  3. Steph…you write songs? I LOVE THAT. I have a box of my own compositions tucked away in the attic drawing bugs and mold. I intend to keep mine there…but your's…you gotta do something with them! I know you do!

    I am loving getting to know you in this wacky-cyber-world!

    <3 u...

    S

    Like

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