Just an update on my life.

MY LIFE. Where do I begin?

God is doing a number on me. And while it is painful, frustrating, frightening, and often annoying (that is so me), it is good. Good, I tell you (or keep telling myself).

In the grand scheme of things, I’m a spoiled rotten brat. I have an amazing husband whom I also still think is DDG (drop dead gorgeous). Three incredibly brilliant, albeit underachieving, children that run me ragged and make my heart swell and my eyes tear every time I think of them. Well, when I’m not ready to throttle one of them.

Family, friends…all of the important things.

And they have all become oh, so much more important with the recent diagnosis of my friend Beth.

Nothing like seeing a loved-one stare into the face of death to put things into perspective for you.
So, here are a few things that I have decided God has made clear to me:

:: I don’t care WHO you are…if I love you, I’m going to tell you so. None of this half-hearted crap anymore. No more being afraid of what you will think. I don’t really care what you think. Well, of course I do…but you know what I mean.

:: I am no longer going to be afraid. Period. God created me to be a warrior. To fight. Not to fear. I’m sick of being afraid. I have missed out on so very much because I was afraid. And that includes flying. That’s right. FLYING. I still may need a handful of Dramamine washed down by a little bottle of my good buddy Jack, but I’m gettin’ on that plane.

:: I am going to worship. I am going to lift my arms high and praise Him if I feel led to. I am going to sing out my praise as loudly as I dern-well want to. And I’m not going to be afraid of what anyone else is thinking or doing. He wants to hear and see my praise. He created me to praise.

:: And I am getting back up there on that praise team. Not right this second, but I am. Maybe not for awhile. But I will. And it’s not because I’m afraid. It truly isn’t. But I do need to practice and toughen up these now-non-calloused-finger-tips.

:: I am going to love my husband like nobody’s bidness. He is going to know I love him even in the midst of me wanting to kill him. Cuz let’s be real. Sometimes you really do just want to put a major smack down on your spouse.

:: I’m going to start doing some of the things I want to do but just haven’t done or been doing for whatever reason. No real examples of that right now and I don’t mean it in a selfish way. Maybe I’ve just been too afraid.

:: I am going to have joy in this life. The joy that can only come from the Lord, My God. No, this is not my home. I am just passing through. Very rapidly, I might add. But I am going to have joy here, while longing for my one true home.

That is all.

For now.

Love you guys like crazy.

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Scary Movies. Scary Life.

Our youngest child ADORES scary movies. The scarier and gorier, the better.

I find life scary enough, thank you very much. I have nightmares that terrify me…always involving real life people and common place events.

I don’t need made-up monsters, diseases, ghosts and goblins.

I can pick up the newspaper or go to cnn.com for all the monsters, illnesses, lies and fairy tales I want.

I really don’t care to see people dead or dying.

I can turn to my church family, their relatives and friends, and to my bloggy world for more than my fair share of that.

I’m kind of ticked at God today about some illnesses and deaths. I know and truly believe that His ways are not my ways. But I don’t like it. I don’t like the pain I have. I don’t like the pain I see in others.

I have read different takes on asking Jesus to come quickly. Some have determined that it is wrong to ask Him to. Wrong because He gave us this life to live and to live fully and completely. Yes, we should long for Heaven. After all, this place is not our true home. Heaven is. But we shouldn’t be bugging Him about it. He has stated He will come when He comes and we are not to know the time.

Other’s have stated that it is just natural and logical that we should be begging Him to come quickly. And even that word, quickly, does not mean the same to us as it does to Him.

Like most things I say and do here lately, if it really isn’t right to ask Him to come quickly, I know He will forgive me. So I will continue to ask Him. Especially at times like now. When the pain is deep. When life is just hard.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Knowing when to speak. And when not to speak.

Thank you, Bethie. You and Esther were such a huge, huge part of my last two weeks.

I haven’t spoken much, to anyone, over the last two weeks. I knew I wasn’t supposed to. But now…dude, the flood gates are a-open and I have got to let it out. Here we go:

1. My oldest comes home today for Spring Break. I miss him so very, very much. And have I mentioned he cooks/loves to cook/is dying to cook this week? Yay!!!! Oh, and lest there is any doubt…this is my first born and there is that.

2. Turned on iTunes when I sat down and (I swear to you) the first song that came up (I have it on random play) was “Shackles” by Travis. Oh, Lord…You are so amazing!

3. My girl has had a really, really tough time lately. Oh, the rebellion. The disobedience. I went deep, folks. Really deep. I didn’t know what to pray, even. Thankfully, I was reminded over and over and over by all of you that the Holy Spirit groans for me when I am prayerless. And He so did. I felt His presence like rarely before. Thankfully. Otherwise, I just would have had a total break down.

4. When my girl gets stressed, I’ve noticed, that is when she goes into major rebellion. I guess it is her way of controlling something. We discussed it this morning. We made some plans to help with the “spinning out of control” feeling. I feel her pain. I do did the same thing. Okay, I do it. I do it. I do it still. Yes, thank You Dear Lord for the thump on the head reminder.

5. I am having lunch with Mrs. G and Mrs. S today at our fave Mexican place (Frannie!) and I am so psyched. Seriously, great food and great friends…can it get any better?

6. My girl is being recruited by her former high school coach to play some junior college volleyball. I’m not sure I can take it. The good thing is that he knows her and has even said he set up this program specifically with her in mind (?!). And, the best part…junior college play so no commitment issues if it doesn’t work with her schedule and the aforementioned tendency to spinoutofcontrol. We’ll see. Still in the discussion stages. She wants to go out for some practice time with the team before committing. Have I mentioned she is extremely competitive? Rumor has it some of the girls have been playing on a club team and they well, shall we say suck aren’t that good. That concerns her. lol.

7. Lost is really ticking me off. Just when I feel like I am getting a handle on things, they introduce new people and new story lines. Seriously Lost writers and producers…help a girl out here.

8. And what is with this? I always knew Zeva and Tony would get together but please, please, please do not bring them together and then have something tragic happen. Nooooo!!!!!

9. My secret crush guy is totally Mark Harmon, by the way. The man just gets better looking with age. Just like my very own, real-life crush.

10. Have I mentioned my boy comes home from Longwood today?

11. My house is currently and officially A Disgusting Pit. And yet here I sit blogging.

12. I have the best friends. Ever. The ones I hug regularly. The ones I have yet to hug.

13. He Reigns is playing. Travis, you rock my world.

14. It dawned on me this week that in three months (please Lord) I will be the mother of two high school graduates. Let me type that again so it can sink in (to my brain). I will soon be the mother of two high school graduates. Surely, it is time for another child. Just kidding. Seriously, totally kidding. Can you imagine? I can not.

15. Please believe when I say that I love my Lord, God more and more every single day. He is absolutely incredible.

16. Anyone working on The Love Dare? I’ve started it. But I’m not going to focus on 40 days’ worth. I’m going to do each day for as long as it takes. For as long as I feel that God is telling me that I might actually get it. An then I’ll move on to the next day.

17. I am so thankful for each of you in my life.

18. See, Alana…I’m okay.

Love you guys.