:: I’m in a bit of a snit. That’s right. A snit. Only a mere snit because there’s not a darn thing I can do about it, so I can’t very well get riled up or anything over the top like that. “It” is vacation. Or, lack thereof, in this case. Okay, so my beloved (aka the spousal unit) reminded me that “we had a gazillion dollar vacation in December. Remember?” This reminder prompted my snit. And yes, but technically our gazillion dollar, ten-day-stay (3 days too many, btw) on the Walt Disney property in Buena Vista, Florida was in 2007. This is 2008. Where’s my vacation? Still back at the Contemporary, apparently.
:: I’m actually riled up about this next thing, although I still can’t do anything about it. Jill is leaving. I am just not allowing myself to say it aloud. But she is truly, actually leaving. How do I know? The moving truck is parked in front of her house. All of the boxes that contain her home are being loaded onto the truck. And finally, she’s crying. A lot. She doesn’t want to go. No one wants her to go. But something in her marriage vows (apparently) says that she has to go…idk…for better or for worse…blah blah blah. Every time I say “Jill is moving to Montana” out loud I burst into tears. If I don’t say it aloud…it’s not really happening. Right? RIGHT?
:: So here’s the deal. What do you call it when you are in the grocery store (Whole Foods, even), minding your own business, buying organic food and products, and you suddenly start crying because you wonder why you have squandered your life away? Okay, I’m 47…not old right? Am I right? Not old. I don’t feel depressed. I don’t feel totally out of control (only slightly out of control) but I really just wonder, what in the hell am I going to be when I grow up? (Sorry for the H word, but I was thinking it and wanted to keep it real here.) I feel like Paul…I keep doing what I don’t want to do and not doing that which I want to do.
1 O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning.
2 Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to no one but you.
3 Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
4 O God, you take no pleasure in wickedness; you cannot tolerate the sins of the wicked.
5 Therefore, the proud may not stand in your presence,
for you hate all who do evil.
6 You will destroy those who tell lies. The Lord detests murderers and deceivers.
7 Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe.
8 Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Make your way plain for me to follow.
9 My enemies cannot speak a truthful word. Their deepest desire is to destroy others. Their talk is foul, like the stench from an open grave. Their tongues are filled with flattery.
10 O God, declare them guilty. Let them be caught in their own traps. Drive them away because of their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.
11 But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy.
12 For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love.
After my time with Psalm 5, I opened My Utmost for His Highest for July 19 and, as icing on the cake, He reminded me that He never forces me to do anything. He wants me to do it out of love, respect, worship, praise because He Is Worthy. He Is Worthy. By not obeying Him, I am telling Him I don’t think He’s worthy.
As I sat there meditating on all of this, I distinctly heard Beth Moore’s voice telling me, “just do the thing, Susan…stop praying about it…stop asking about it…JUST DO THE THING”.
She is right. Stop praying about it, moaning, groaning and complaining and get moving.
Just do the thing.